The Power of Kindness by Piero Ferrucci

Author:Piero Ferrucci
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-10-20T13:46:07+00:00

IN ORDER TO BE KIND, WE MUST MAKE TIME. MARTIN Buber spoke of the difference between the I–Thou and the I–it relationship. An I–it relation transforms the other into a thing, whereas I–Thou is the true relation, the union between two souls. I–it relationships are alienating—they make us what we are not. We then feel lonely and depressed, distant from others. I–Thou is the true encounter, the very substance of our life. According to Buber, in order for this relationship to be possible, there must be no expectation or desire, otherwise we fall into an I–it relationship, that is, we transform the other into a means of satisfying our demands. In the rare moments of an I–Thou relationship, there is no more urgency to make something happen, no pressure to manipulate or persuade. If urgency arises, the relationship straightaway becomes I–it. If we slow down, we are more likely to meet truly and to know each other.

I am convinced that global cooling goes hand in hand with the accelerated pace in all sectors of modern life. We are under pressure—we cannot afford to waste even a second. Children are made to grow up fast, and we feel proud when they can complete next year’s curriculum early. Computers are faster and more powerful. Purchases are instantaneous—we can have almost immediately what we want. Employees have to be able to answer for every minute of their time. Cars are made to go faster, and speed limits are raised. To increase profits, new versions of consumer items come out ever more frequently. “Pointless” activities, like having a chat, meeting in the square or in a park, idling away the time with others, are often discouraged. If all this is happening, inevitably the room for warmth becomes less and less.

One expert on the pace of life, Robert Levine, has been studying time as it is experienced in various cultures. Levine measures three different variables: The time it takes to buy a stamp in a post office, the speed at which pedestrians walk on the street, and the accuracy of clocks in banks. Thus he has discovered that there are speedier cultures, in which punctuality and precision are rewarded, while other cultures are slower and less precise. Western society and Japan are the fastest; Brazil, Indonesia, and Mexico are the slowest. Naturally Levine’s study does not claim that one way of perceiving time is better than the other. Cultures are just the way they are. However, from this study, one disadvantage of accelerated living does seem to emerge. In cultures where the pace is hurried, cardiovascular disease is more widespread (with the exception of Japan, where social support and cohesion make up for time pressure). This finding coincides with the many studies on Type A personality. According to that research, the Type A personality—impatient, competitive, and irritable—runs the same risks.

Levine did not find a relationship between pace of life and willingness to help—different factors were at play. But other research has discovered that the more we hurry, the less we are willing to help.

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